Get off of my lawn

my brain generates such offensive shit sometimes -.-

Usually I don’t enjoy english projects toooooo much, but here’s a poem I did for my final this year, I loveeed doing it. 

Nary a fellow is quite as married as I,

Lecherous old limpy January.

I’m a man of advanced years

Filled with tears and strife

My life is a long and hard boiled story

At the end I hoped to cap it with a wife, not harsh or whorey

A pure hearted maiden

Not fadin into the mad bad age

Where Wives keep their husbands in the house like a cage.

I started my days makin way in the army

Things I did and saw for sure scarred me

And that part of my life I put behind me.

I moved on to a life in the church

Serving the public, helping the needy

I was not in the least greedy or seedy when they see me they be free cuz my philanthropy was double good truly.

My days were in a haze I got to relax and unwind

But by side someone was missing

I needed kissing tokeep this whizzing life from fizzling.

So I run to the bar to where I discuss my battle scars

That sit in our arms deeper than pits of tar.

My time tested comrades infested with

Good avice deeper nested than nest

Eggs by businessman invested.

Beer and wine in their head settle

Cus many a kettle they had sunk down their gullet

And sir mullet my first drunken friend, sunken

In his ease of easy queasy chair by the fire

Tells my to take a woman that inspires

A woman that stirs my spire and increases my desire.

However my other friends, slightly better

Tell me that a woman will be the bane of my family tree

To keep to myself and my chastity

That a woman is scorn and will keep my heart torn every morn with her babies and those on the way to be born.

I weigh the advice thrice over in my head

Said to myself, “the doubters are as silly as a lump of lead!”

I take myself a wife, though myself be blind I know that a kind feel of a woman will keep my house in kind.

My woman was may, the sweet bride of the brightest day

Her hair felt like what the angels look like soft sweet and it swayed

With my every hands touch, her beauty was impeccable, sometimes too much

For my hands, for as I later discovered, with damian she drew new bands

Of contact, most impure to be sure, I got my sight back and what do I see

But above my head a servant hack whackin with my wife smick smack!

Of course when I ask her about this intercourse

She horses me and denies

My heart could’ve died

When the egregious lie comes about and about that damian wasn’t up their plumbing her out!

I sink to my knees, appalled that all she wanted was to be set free

Of my bed, and with another be wed

How could I keep this sweet innocent creature with me, almost dead?

She comes to my knees and pleas me not to leave her

And I think to myself, has the fish truly been thrown out of water?

For though she was indeed an impudent strumpet

Calling this fellow to come and blow his trumpet

Its just a sign, I’d say almost benign

She just wanted more love, a fresh face and space

I thought to myself, hey, can I not keep pace in this race

For though I am old, its been told that stamina’s within my parameters.

And from that day on, in bed, I kept the hammer slamming, Jamming to the tune of sweet

Reciprocation in our relation

Taking care that every night she felt as though on vacation

To an island nation

Where we swayed in the breeze and fell  every night sweet to our knees.